I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
