Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
