My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
