You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
