He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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