Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
