The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
