youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
