He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
