She is in my trunk
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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