Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
