You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
