shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Pants are for mortals
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
