I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
