dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
