i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
