tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
