I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
