About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
