I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
