Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
