the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
