I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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