If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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