The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
