Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
