she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
