so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
COCAINE IS GR8
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
