She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
