Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
