i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
