I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
