I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
