paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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