He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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