Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
