i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
