Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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