you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
