...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
bring money and cleavage
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
