and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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