So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
