I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
