haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
