Too much gin, very little bucket
Sober January is a disaster.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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