No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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