I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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