i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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