Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
