Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
