This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You need a sexual gate keeper
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
