no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
