Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
