You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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