Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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