TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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