Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
