Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
