Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
