I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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