Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
