im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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