Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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