but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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